A somewhat snarky, take no prisoners survey of what’s happening in the Hamptons real estate market, celebrities and prices included.
Gotham Magazine, Real estate report 2003
It was cold, quiet, snowy, and still—a very long winter in the Hamptons—but, contrary to some reports, we were hardly brain dead. Everyone connected with the real estate market has had his or her antenna up, looking, listening, calculating, thinking, trying to figure out where we would be by summer and beyond. When it comes down to it, however, it is all guesswork topped off and justified with a few seemingly rational theories. For what happens in the towns here is not as important as what happens there, there of course being New York.
Like a seismograph measuring earthquake activity, the market here jiggles and squirms,
rushes or creeps, in reaction to life in the big city. Market movements on Wall Street, the city’s planning for terrorist alerts, news of stores opening and closing, co-ops selling or not selling, business people getting indicted—it all somehow gets reflected in the tempo of real estate sales and rentals in the Hamptons.
These may not be the best of times in New York, and it translates to uncertainty here—but it hardly means that curmudgeons rule at the seashore. With $700,000 or so now considered entry level in the second home market, and with a decent summer rental priced at more than the average annual wage in this country, this year, as in the past, only those with a still hefty checkbook need apply.
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Our annual Billy Joel real estate activity report:
He closed on a major property for $22.5 million dollars—the former Squibb estate in Centre Island, that small, rich and exclusive enclave in Long Island Sound.
His North Haven property is in contract.
His Shelter Island property is still for sale.
He is fixing up a commercial property with a pied-a-terre on Bay Street in Sag Harbor, near where he docks the boat.
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The Seinfeld real estate report.
It was the original love nest for Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley. Four years ago it became the $32 million hideaway for Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld. Now, the Further Lane mansion is mostly rubble. With no-nostalgia but plenty-of-money hauteur, the Seinfelds are demonstrating that bigger is better and today trumps yesterday. Really not much different from many of their Hamptons neighbors—just a slightly more staggering budget.
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Who is here?
The usual faces, it seems. And a few newish ones.
But not the pretty faces we were hoping for. Everyone has heard some rumor about Renee Zellweger looking in the Hamptons—but, New York Magazine notwithstanding, no broker has seen her yet. We thought someone might be holding back information, but cross checking many sources turned up nothing but rumors. Unless she is buying from a friend, our guess is that she is too busy with success at the moment to be running around looking at houses. Ditto for rumors about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston buying in Sagaponack.
Howard Stern has shelled out $5 ½ million for the oceanfront house in Amagansett that he had rented in the past.
Who is not here?
Marty Richards, if he has his way, will at least be out of his Gin Lane oceanfront mansion. Buoyed by the phenomenal success of Chicago, the film producer continues to think big. The asking price is a whopping $ 50 million. Sotheby’s has the listing, and most professionals are highly skeptical about the price. Those who attend his lavish parties can be fairly certain of at least another season.
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What if you give a tea party and no one comes?
The big sales that didn’t happen.
His heirs of the late Warner LeRoy are probably wondering how long it will take to sell his large Amagansett estate. The property, listed originally at $25 million and on the market since last June, has been reduced to $17 million—a more realistic price for the eleven bedroom, ten bath, 10,000 square foot house on 50 acres.
Chris Whittle’s luxe property on Georgica Pond hit the market at $45 million before the slowdown. Price is now down to $36 million, and he will divide the 11 acre property into two lots and sell separately if that is the only way to hook a buyer. One catch: such a division would take a year to get through the zoning board.
Does this mean the market is crumbling? We hardly think so. More likely, these prices were overreaching in a cautious market.
There’s still some very big money around. Steve Schwarzman is said to be ready to upgrade from his Cove Hollow Farm house to an even more impressive East Hampton residence. And he is used to rocking the real estate market. In New York his purchase of the Saul Steinberg apartment set a record that still stands, and he just bought the Pickett house in Palm Beach for $25 million.
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Word of the season:
“Opportunity”
It seems that each year brokers have a buzz word, one that expresses something important but also evades other things. The word we hear most this year is opportunity.
From Peter Turino, partner at Dunemere Associates: “The market has leveled for two years now. If you take a look, there are opportunities.”
From Gary DePersia at Allan M. Schneider Associates, Inc.: “I’m seeing houses that have been on the market a year or two start to move. Whether the market is going up or down, or both, I still see opportunities for smart buyers.”
From Andrew Hart, manager at Cook Pony Farm Real Estate: “Buyers should not drop out of the market because prices will not be going down. There are still opportunities when you find owners who really wants to sell.”
From Paul Brennan, manager at Prudential Long Island Realty: “It’s the price, stupid. At one time sellers could overprice their properties and wait for the market to catch up. But now buyers look carefully and recognize the real opportunities.”
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Shoddy and scuzzy? No, swanky and snazzy!
What do you do if you are feeling a bit thrifty, if not downright cheapish this year? There is always Ikea and a staple gun and a ranch house in North Sea—but if you are downscaling, what do you actually tell your friends? Take a lesson from Hamptons brokers; they’ve used euphemisms for years. Our guide to some useful shuffling, sidestepping and pussyfooting follows.
Don’t say small, ranch or modest in the same sentence as house. Just call the miserable shack by one of these highly acceptable code words: cottage, camp, lodge, quarters, digs, hideout, gatehouse, or retreat.
Don’t say wooded, north, far, subdivision, neighborhood, dirt road, or give directions requiring more than three turns. Try words like bucolic, sky, space, spread, grounds, pastoral, placid, and picturesque.
Even if the actual look is closer to tiny, low tariff and tacky, give it a positive spin with words like sporty, ship-shape, spiffy, breezy, relaxed, and carefree.
And remember you probably have the same upscale zip code as one of the estate areas.
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Inside the Hamptons brokerage community.
There was a time not too long ago when all real estate agents in the Hamptons knew one another. It seems like another world now that there are approximately 800 licensed salespeople in the area. With that many agents, only one of the following statements can be true.
a) They are all working.
b) They are all making money.
c) They are all smart and professional.
d) They are multiplying far too fast.
Brokers at the established agencies are aghast and/or having a good laugh about a letter sent to most salespeople around town by a former bartender turned novice real estate agent. Among the puff piece paragraphs that distort or exaggerate the truth:
It is inevitable he will be the top real estate agent on Long Island in 2003.
He will “achieve” $2 million in commissions this year.
His agency will have the majority of exclusives in the Hamptons in 2003.
He suggests that recipients of the letter would be lucky to work with him on deals.
But why stop there?
A broker at one of the old line agencies asked about sperm donations and cloning.