The Hampton Classic—From the Horse’s Mouth
As a member of the Hampton Classic board, and as someone who comments on life in the Hamptons on television and in print, I think I have looked at the Classic, mused about it, participated in it, discussed it and written about it from just about every angle. Except one, perhaps. It recently occurred to me that for the real equestrian view, I should go, as they say, to the horse’s mouth. My problem, of course, was finding a horse with whom I could communicate, one who would be able and willing to talk, and who had something original to say.
I recently found such a horse, although confidentiality agreements prevent me from disclosing how, and for obvious reasons the horse insisted on anonymity. Note: for the sake of journalistic accuracy, all information has been corroborated in a number of stalls in several barns.
What do horses really think about equestrian sports? Let’s start with showjumping.
Given the choice, few horses of my acquaintance would choose to spend the afternoon galloping up to a blockade in order to jump over it, and then gallop up to the next one. Why not just walk around it? I see no need for jumping over manmade obstacles—except to see which purveyor of opulently priced luxury goods is spending its profits erecting barriers in front of us horses. I realize, however, that all of the rest of you involved in equestrian sport, you humans that is, find this activity tremendously exciting.
What about horseracing?
I like to run fast to get someplace. It’s in my genes, from my ancestors on the steppes of Central Asia. But running very fast around a track, surrounded by lots of screaming people, just to get back to where you started from seems silly to me. But I realize here again that people like it.
Do you like polo?
It’s a good sport. I like to get out there with my pals. You can really run on a polo field and see what’s going on. I get the best views. With a 3-½ inch ball and a 12-acre field, how many spectators can say they know what’s going on?
Ever try foxhunting?
It was famously described as “the unspeakable chasing the inedible,” and the reference was to people and foxes. Not for horses, thank you.
Rodeo?
It’s fun for the youngsters, fast and rough. But not something for a northeast liberal horse like me. I think some of your readers might agree. I hope that doesn’t sound too elitist.
What are your impressions of the Hampton Classic?
Love to see so many of my old and horsy friends. We gaze across the fields and gossip about the stallions and the studs we know. I enjoy stabling in a tent too—so countryish. The people here are a little puzzling. They spend all that money to crowd into a few densely populated tents when they could be lounging around a nice open paddock. Horses, unlike people, need real qualifications for admission here. We are much more of an achievement society I think.
Do you know about the Long Island Chefs Association? The chefs organize a lunch for the press on Opening Day, and a party for major sponsors on the final weekend.
Yes, I’ve heard good things about it. I’m somewhat of a foodie myself. I definitely enjoy a bag of some nice local, field-grown, organic baby oats.
The chefs make an enormous effort, using local produce and local finfish and shellfish—the freshest and the best. You’ll enjoy it.
I hope it’s good produce. Being a horse, I’m a vegetarian of course. Did you know that in France they have butcher shops that sell nothing but horsemeat? They actually eat horses there. But what would you expect from a country that thrives on enlarged goose livers and other unspeakable parts of animals?
They make good champagne, would you agree?
I know that Champagne Louis Roderer is a sponsor of your show. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind finding some in my trough around five this afternoon.
Michael Braverman is a member of the Board of Directors of the Hampton Classic Horse Show. He writes for Hamptons Magazine, hosts the television broadcast of Bridgehampton Polo, and believes in eating and drinking on the job.